S.m.a.r.t goals to work towards skillful sh’tikah

Below are S.M.A.R.T. goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) for each of the points discussed above, with the overall goal of cultivating the skillful practice of sh’tikah (silence) in various aspects of communication. These goals focus on practical steps toward achieving more mindful, intentional silence in communication, while balancing speech and silence for clarity and respect.

Internal Noise: Emotional States and Biases

- Specific: I will practice mindfulness to become aware of emotional reactions before responding in conversations.
  - Measurable: I will use a journaling technique to note down emotional triggers and successful moments of silence during communication.
  - Achievable: I will commit to 5 minutes of daily meditation on emotional awareness to help recognize internal noise. [KGM IFS parts talk is one such meditation and overlaps with the journaling. See below]
  - Relevant: This goal will help me reduce the internal noise caused by emotions, allowing me to practice sh’tikah effectively.
  - Time-bound: I will reflect on and journal my progress weekly for 3 months, noting improvements in my ability to stay silent during emotionally charged conversations.
  - IFS journal (as an example):
  - I have a part that wants to minimize conflict that is part of the people pleasing part. These parts do what they perceive as much work behind the scenes to make life easier. Neither part double checks whether the work is necessary or a priority because the work is usually mundane and “necessary” for the mechanics of daily living.
    - I thank these parts for practicing what they perceive as shalom beit. This is an a.c.t we value
    - I ask these parts to double check with other people in the household or situation especially if,
      - The task is new
      - Multiple tasks pertain
      - Timing is tight to complete
    - Reason: priorities may differ. Skilful practice stems from doing shared or agreed upon priorities
  - Another part protects the behind the scenes work I do and often either
    - Notes and ignores criticism of said work which results in resentirment or
    - Acts, usually passive-aggressively, to defend the work
    - I thank these parts for protecting our already completed work
      - I ask these parts to w.a.i.t and let the other parts above do their checking tasks first and
      - If defending the work to date,
        
        to be give crisp and clear reasons why the work was done along with (mutual) benefits.
        
        W.a.i.t with curiosity for their reply
        
        T.h.i.n.k before replying to their reply

External Noise: Environmental and Social Distractions

- Specific: I will create a distraction-free environment for important conversations by silencing devices and removing potential interruptions.
  - Measurable: I will track the number of conversations per week where I consciously reduce external distractions.
  - Achievable: I will start by implementing this for one conversation per day and gradually increase to all significant conversations.
  - Relevant: Reducing external distractions will help me and others focus on the true message, enhancing sh’tikah in communication.
  - Time-bound: Within 1 month, I will have set a routine for minimizing external noise in all my important conversations.

Too Much Speech: The Dangers of Overloading

- Specific: I will pause before speaking in conversations to assess whether my input is necessary or beneficial.
  - Measurable: I will aim to practice this pause in at least 3 conversations each day and note the number of times I refrain from unnecessary speech.
  - Achievable: I will remind myself of this goal using a visual cue, such as a bracelet, to prompt mindfulness before speaking.
  - Relevant: This goal aligns with sh’tikah by reducing verbal overload and ensuring my speech is intentional and purposeful.
  - Time-bound: In 2 months, I will have developed a habit of pausing before responding in all significant conversations.

Intentional Silence: Enhancing Signal Quality

- Specific: I will practice intentional silence in meetings or conversations by allowing others to speak first, speaking only when I have a meaningful contribution. The slogan is W.a.i.t t.h.i.n.k be b.r.a.v.e a.c.t s.m.a.r.t.e.r. Mere “silence” is not necessarily practicing sh’tikah skillfully.
  - Measurable: I will aim to practice this in 3 group settings per week and keep track of moments where my silence enhanced the quality of the conversation.
  - Achievable: I will start with small group discussions and gradually apply this in larger settings or more complex discussions.
  - Relevant: Practicing intentional silence will strengthen my ability to contribute meaningfully while practicing sh’tikah.
  - Time-bound: Over 3 months, I will consistently implement this in all group conversations and reflect on its impact.

Competing Voices: Dominating Conversations

- Specific: I will actively listen in group discussions, refraining from interrupting or speaking over others, and will focus on supporting their contributions. As always, there are cultural norms and differences to be observed and factored in.
  - Measurable: I will observe and journal how often I hold back from interrupting during conversations and how it improves communication.
  - Achievable: I will consciously limit my input to no more than 3 brief comments during any group discussion, ensuring others have space to speak.
  - Relevant: Practicing restraint in speech is central to sh’tikah, helping reduce crosstalk and allowing for clearer communication.
  - Time-bound: After 4 weeks, I will assess the effectiveness of my restraint in group conversations, adjusting as needed.

Misalignment of Perspectives: Listening Beyond the Surface

- Specific: I will ask clarifying questions in conversations to better understand the other person’s perspective before offering my own response.
  - Measurable: I will implement this technique in 2 conversations daily and note how often it leads to clearer understanding and alignment.
  - Achievable: I will begin by practicing this with close family or friends, gradually applying it in broader social or professional settings.
  - Relevant: This practice fosters deeper understanding and reduces miscommunication, enhancing the quality of silence through thoughtful listening.
  - Time-bound: Within 3 months, I will have integrated clarifying questions into all significant conversations and will assess how it has improved mutual understanding.

Escalating Conflict: The Need for Silence

- Specific: In moments of conflict, I will practice silence by waiting 30 seconds before responding, allowing time for emotions to cool down.
  - Measurable: I will track how often I successfully implement this practice during arguments or heated discussions, noting its impact on the outcome.
  - Achievable: I will remind myself to use this technique by placing a note on my phone or workstation, where conflicts are most likely to arise.
  - Relevant: Practicing silence in conflict will reduce emotional reactivity and promote sh’tikah by preventing escalation.
  - Time-bound: In 6 weeks, I will evaluate my progress and adapt the technique based on its effectiveness in defusing conflict.

Mindful Responses: Filtering Noise from the Signal

- Specific: I will focus on responding mindfully by summarizing what the other person has said before offering my own perspective.
  - Measurable: I will practice this technique in 3 conversations daily and note how often it leads to clearer and more meaningful communication.
  - Achievable: I will practice this with colleagues and family members, where misunderstandings are more likely, and refine the approach over time.
  - Relevant: This goal is aligned with the essence of sh’tikah, which involves mindful, intentional speech and eliminating unnecessary noise from communication.
  - Time-bound: Over the course of 2 months, I will refine this practice and evaluate its effectiveness in improving communication quality.