Maladaptive schemas can significantly affect the practice of #chesed (loving-kindness), as they shape underlying emotional and cognitive patterns that influence interpersonal relationships and empathy. Here’s a breakdown of each schema’s effect on chesed, along with S.M.A.R.T. goals for mitigating these patterns and fostering healthier chesed practices.
1. Abandonment/Instability
Impact on #Chesed: Those with an abandonment schema may struggle to commit to helping others due to fears of being left or rejected. Their kindness may become conditional or overly focused on seeking reassurance.
S.M.A.R.T. Goal:
Specific: Practice a daily check-in meditation, focusing on cultivating stability and presence, regardless of the relationship outcome.
Measurable: Reflect weekly on the instances where you provided support without seeking validation or fearing rejection.
Achievable: Set boundaries to ensure your acts of chesed are genuine rather than compensatory.
Relevant: In chesed, prioritize selfless support, understanding that not every act requires reciprocation.
Time-Bound: Maintain a three-month journal documenting the positive effects of offering stability-focused chesed.
2. Mistrust/Abuse
Impact on #Chesed: Those with this schema may struggle to offer chesed freely, anticipating betrayal or manipulation in return for their kindness.
S.M.A.R.T. Goal:
Specific: Gradually extend acts of chesed in safe, controlled environments (e.g., volunteer work).
Measurable: Log instances of positive feedback received from recipients of chesed each month.
Achievable: Set realistic boundaries that help reduce feelings of vulnerability in supportive situations.
Relevant: Recognize and reflect on moments of mutual respect to shift perceptions of mistrust.
Time-Bound: Increase trusting acts of kindness by at least 10% each month over a six-month period.
3. Emotional Deprivation
Impact on #Chesed: A person may find it challenging to express chesed, believing others will not meet their emotional needs in return.
S.M.A.R.T. Goal:
Specific: Dedicate 10 minutes daily to identify and appreciate the ways others have shown you kindness.
Measurable: Journal weekly on acts of chesed offered and any reciprocation observed.
Achievable: Develop self-soothing practices to reduce dependency on external emotional responses.
Relevant: Shift focus from receiving to offering without expectation in chesed practice.
Time-Bound: Over three months, reduce perceived emotional deprivation through weekly gratitude reviews.
4. Defectiveness/Shame
Impact on# Chesed: Those with this schema might avoid genuine acts of kindness, feeling unworthy or incapable of effectively helping others.
S.M.A.R.T. Goal:
Specific: Set aside 15 minutes weekly for a self-compassion exercise, affirming your worthiness to help.
Measurable: Track instances where your act of chesed positively impacted others.
Achievable: Start by helping in small ways to build confidence.
Relevant: Reinforce self-worth through tangible acts of kindness.
Time-Bound: After three months, reflect on how self-compassion has enhanced your ability to engage in chesed.
5. Social Isolation/Alienation
Impact on #Chesed: This schema may make one feel disconnected, finding it hard to reach out in kindness due to feelings of not belonging.
S.M.A.R.T. Goal:
Specific: Join a community service group to practice chesed in a supportive setting.
Measurable: Record positive connections made weekly.
Achievable: Begin with short, structured volunteer sessions.
Relevant: Emphasize mutual belonging as you practice chesed.
Time-Bound: Assess growth in social connection after six months.
6. Dependence/Incompetence
Impact on Chesed: Individuals may avoid helping others, fearing their own inadequacy.
S.M.A.R.T. Goal:
Specific: Practice one small, autonomous act of chesed weekly.
Measurable: Reflect monthly on completed acts and their impact.
Achievable: Start with manageable acts of kindness that require minimal skills.
Relevant: Recognize your innate capacity for chesed without relying on external validation.
Time-Bound: Increase your chesed autonomy gradually over three months.
7. Vulnerability to Harm or Illness
Impact on #Chesed: Fears for personal safety may make one hesitant to help others, especially in perceived risky situations.
S.M.A.R.T. Goal:
Specific: Engage in low-risk chesed activities, such as virtual support.
Measurable: Track your comfort level with each act of kindness.
Achievable: Build confidence in a safe, predictable context.
Relevant: Slowly expand your sense of security in chesed acts.
Time-Bound: After six months, aim for two in-person acts of chesed monthly.
8. Enmeshment/Undeveloped Self
Impact on #Chesed: Difficulty differentiating one’s needs from others can lead to over-involvement, impairing objective kindness.
S.M.A.R.T. Goal:
Specific: Set boundaries in chesed that respect both your needs and others’.
Measurable: Note when you’ve maintained personal space.
Achievable: Gradually practice saying “no” when boundaries are at risk.
Relevant: Offer chesed from a place of balance, not over-identification.
Time-Bound: Evaluate boundary-setting success after three months.
9. Failure
Impact on #Chesed: Fear of failure may prevent people from offering help, worried it won’t be enough or may fall short.
S.M.A.R.T. Goal:
Specific: Perform one small act of kindness where perfection isn’t the goal.
Measurable: Document acts of chesed with focus on effort, not outcome.
Achievable: Begin with low-stakes chesed activities.
Relevant: Emphasize intention over achievement.
Time-Bound: Over six months, increase chesed acts regardless of outcome fears.
10. Entitlement/Grandiosity
Impact on# Chesed: This schema can lead to self-centered chesed, where acts of kindness are driven by a need for recognition or superiority.
S.M.A.R.T. Goal:
Specific: Dedicate 10 minutes each day to reflect on altruism without reward.
Measurable: Track acts of chesed focused solely on benefiting others.
Achievable: Commit to anonymous acts of kindness weekly.
Relevant: Refine motives in chesed, seeking to genuinely help.
Time-Bound: After three months, aim for a balance of visible and invisible acts of kindness.
11. Insufficient Self-Control/Self-Discipline
Impact on #Chesed: A lack of discipline may cause inconsistency in offering kindness, especially when it requires effort or sacrifice.
S.M.A.R.T. Goal:
Specific: Schedule a regular, structured act of chesed each week.
Measurable: Log and review all acts performed.
Achievable: Set reminders to encourage consistency.
Relevant: Establish self-discipline in chesed as a habit.
Time-Bound: Track weekly for six months to increase consistency.
These S.M.A.R.T. goals provide structured steps for recognizing and mitigating schema-based barriers to chesed. With regular reflection and adjustment, these goals can help establish a reliable and wholehearted practice of kindness.
