Smart Jewish Studies

Internal Family Systems (IFS) and s.m.a.r.t goals

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by

Kevin
in ,

IFS Perspective on Anavah:

In IFS, the Self embodies calm, clarity, and compassion, aligned with the light of anavah. Parts, however, may carry burdens that either support or obstruct humility. By addressing these parts and their burdens, we can integrate the shadow aspects into skillful practice.

Light and Shadow IFS Parts Related to Anavah

    1. The Inner Sage (Light):
      • Role: Offers clarity and wisdom, helping the Self understand its place in the larger whole (makir et mekomo). Promotes humility by recognizing the interconnectedness of all beings.
      • Burden: Can become overburdened, turning into the Critical Perfectionist who demands unachievable humility or chastises the individual for failing to embody anavah perfectly.
    2. The Helper (Light):
      • Role: Focuses on service, nurturing others, and practicing gratitude (hakarat hatov).
      • Burden: May transform into the Martyr, a part that sacrifices excessively, leading to resentment or codependency.
    3. The Creator (Light):
      • Role: Channels creative energy as a gift, recognizing that talent is a divine endowment and not solely personal.
      • Burden: May manifest as the Insecure Performer, constantly seeking external validation and fearing inadequacy.
    4. The Protector (Shadow):
      • Role: Seeks to protect against vulnerability by adopting arrogance or defensiveness. This part assumes humility makes the Self weak.
      • Burden: Operates out of fear of being judged or devalued, often blocking authentic humility.
    5. The Exile (Shadow):
      • Role: Holds wounds of shame, inadequacy, or rejection that prevent the Self from feeling grounded and secure in humility.
      • Burden: Internalized messages that equate humility with invisibility or self-erasure.

Full NVC Protocol SMART Goals for Integrating Anavah through IFS

Goal 1: Befriend the Inner Sage and Release Perfectionism

    1. Observation: The Inner Sage burdens itself with unrealistic expectations, leading to self-criticism.
    2. Feeling: A desire for balance between striving for humility and self-compassion.
    3. Need: To validate the Sage’s wisdom without overburdening it with perfectionism.
    4. Request: Engage the Sage in dialogue to appreciate its efforts while releasing its critical role.

SMART Goal: Specific: Spend 15 minutes weekly in meditation or journaling, asking the Sage what it needs to feel supported and appreciated.

    1. Measurable: Note weekly shifts in your relationship with this part, focusing on reduced self-criticism.
    2. Achievable: Use guided IFS scripts or reflective prompts to facilitate dialogue with the Sage.
    3. Relevant: Aligns with the Mussar principle of tzniut (modesty), cultivating a balanced humility.
    4. Timely: Begin immediately and review progress after six weeks.

Goal 2: Transform the Martyr into the Balanced Helper

    1. Observation: The Helper becomes overburdened, turning into the Martyr who sacrifices excessively.
    2. Feeling: A longing to serve others without resentment or exhaustion.
    3. Need: To establish boundaries and maintain self-care while helping others.
    4. Request: Engage the Helper part in identifying its burdens and shifting to a balanced role.

SMART Goal: Specific: Weekly, identify one act of service where you overextend yourself and reframe it to include self-care (e.g., offering limited help or delegating tasks).

    1. Measurable: Track feelings of balance and energy after each act of service.
    2. Achievable: Start with low-stakes scenarios and expand as confidence grows.
    3. Relevant: Supports hakarat hatov (gratitude) while avoiding codependency.
    4. Timely: Implement within one week and assess outcomes over three months.

Goal 3: Empower the Insecure Performer to Embrace Creativity

    1. Observation: The Creator part struggles with insecurity, fearing inadequacy and seeking external validation.
    2. Feeling: A desire for authentic self-expression without fear of judgment.
    3. Need: To create from a place of joy and gratitude rather than performance anxiety.
    4. Request: Engage the Creator part to explore its fears and reframe creativity as an act of service.

SMART Goal: Specific: Dedicate 30 minutes weekly to a creative activity (e.g., writing, art, or music) without focusing on outcomes.

    1. Measurable: Reflect on feelings of joy and gratitude in a journal after each session.
    2. Achievable: Choose activities you enjoy and feel comfortable starting.
    3. Relevant: Reinforces tzniut by connecting creativity to humility and divine gratitude.
    4. Timely: Begin within one week and evaluate progress after one month.

Goal 4: Engage the Protector and Reframe Arrogance

    1. Observation: The Protector part rejects humility out of fear it will lead to vulnerability or weakness.
    2. Feeling: A need for safety and empowerment while practicing humility.
    3. Need: To validate the Protector’s fears and guide it toward a more constructive role.
    4. Request: Build a dialogue with the Protector to uncover its fears and create new strategies for safety.

SMART Goal: Specific: Spend 10 minutes twice weekly visualizing a conversation with the Protector, asking it what it fears and how it can adapt to support anavah.

    1. Measurable: Track in a journal the Protector’s responses and changes in your feelings of safety in practicing humility.
    2. Achievable: Use IFS resources or guided meditations to facilitate the process.
    3. Relevant: Promotes the Mussar trait of makir et mekomo (knowing one’s place) without sacrificing self-worth.
    4. Timely: Begin within two weeks, with monthly reviews of progress.

Goal 5: Heal the Exile’s Shame and Inadequacy

    1. Observation: The Exile part holds burdens of shame or inadequacy, blocking the Self from authentic humility.
    2. Feeling: A need for self-compassion and healing.
    3. Need: To unburden the Exile and reintegrate it into the system with acceptance.
    4. Request: Engage the Exile in a compassionate dialogue, offering reassurance and safety.

SMART Goal: Specific: Dedicate 20 minutes weekly to IFS meditation, visualizing the Exile and offering it unconditional acceptance.

    1. Measurable: Journal weekly shifts in how you perceive the Exile and its burdens.
    2. Achievable: Use a trusted IFS practitioner or guided resources if needed.
    3. Relevant: Aligns with the Mussar principle of menuchat hanefesh (equanimity), fostering a stable foundation for humility.
    4. Timely: Start within one week and review after six weeks.

By working with IFS parts in alignment with Mussar and anavah, these SMART goals create pathways for balancing humility, self-compassion, and healthy boundaries. Each part is engaged constructively to integrate light and shadow aspects into a skillful practice of humility.